What love leaves behind and who we take with us
Do the people we have loved reshape us in ways that stay with us and surface in our work?
By: Rowena Snow
Relationships inevitably leave their mark, shifting how we see ourselves, how we move through the world, how we communicate and create. For artists in particular, those experiences often become embedded in the work itself, lingering in themes, textures and forms. Iztla Almanza Lopez works as a bartender and server at Yumi in St. Paul by trade, but also is a singer, songwriter, actor, dancer and multimedia collage artist. In the Twin Cities arts scene, she’s a familiar face, having collaborated with numerous local photographers and creatives, building a quiet but steady presence across mediums. Less widely known is her material art-making.
She first turned to collage in high school and used it to process and express herself during a tumultuous time after a breakup. She spoke with Influx magazine about the relationship between art and love. Her comments have been edited for length.
Q: How many relationships have you been in and was there one that was particularly transformative?
A: | I’ve had three long term relationships and all of them were extremely significant to me. The first one where I started making collages was intense because it was my first time grieving love but also because COVID happened and I had so much time with myself.
My second partner and I were really in sync creatively. They brought out a grittier side to my work to where I wasn’t afraid of the dirtiness and flaws in my art. My most recent relationship which ended a few weeks ago was with someone who was very opposite of me. They were more of a distraction from my collageing because I was preoccupied with their life, but I started to write more.
Q: | How would you describe yourself before, during and after these ex’s? What was different after and how did that reflect in your art?
A: | After my second ex, I was much less concerned with the details and interpretation of my art. They were very meticulous in their creation so that influenced me, but after we broke up I found myself less concerned if things weren’t interpreted exactly how I’d intended. There’s so much beauty in the interpretation so I’m not afraid to say less is more.
(PHOTO/Rowena Snow)
Q: | Does your creation fluctuate when you are in love?
A: | When I’m in love I feel a sense of security, so I feel safer to explore darker themes in my work. It flips when I’m in a bad point of a relationship– or not in one. I find myself writing and creating more about hope, beauty and focusing on positivity.
Q: | What unseen influences do your ex’s have on you?
Q: | Are you the same person after a break up?
A: | I think for a lot of people there is this desire to become somebody new after heartbreak, to sort of shed the skin we associate with them. But why do I want to get rid of a person that was a part of me? I have done the haircuts, the workouts, the shedding of that skin but it cost me myself to detach from who I was with that person.
Q: | “How do you feel with the emotions that come with a breakup?”
A: | In a fun, sick and twisted way a lot of artists thrive on grief, heartbreak and mourning, and on the uncomfortability you feel after loss. It’s invigorating– it’s such an odd thing our brain does but it’s free inspiration. It forces us into reflection and exploration. You don’t grow from staying comfortable but rather from losing, being uncomfortable and changing.
Breaking up totally sucks though. People bring out different sides of us and there’s something to be said about losing someone who saw a side of you no one, maybe not even yourself, saw.
A: | What I’ve kept from all of them is things that made me laugh and feel whole even if it ended terribly. When I do or say something that they would say or do, I’m like “ah there you are, there you are again.” And somebody will laugh when I do something they’ve done and I think “that’s why I loved you.” I’m thankful because now I can share that.
Q: | What do you wish you’d known during your first heartbreak?
A: | Lean into it. A lot of the time we’re trying to get rid of them as a thought, but also as a memory– as though it’s not a part of us. Don’t deny yourself the fact that this person was your everything and you loved them for a reason.
Love and loss is like art, everything is influenced by something else. Let yourself be a blend of everyone that you’ve ever loved and hated because if you’re running from it you’re actively disconnecting from yourself.